http://www.theshoes-blog.com/golf-shoe-bag/creative-story-writing The Shoes Blog is where I write all about shoes Wed, 30 Dec 2009 16:16:59 -0700 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.8.4 hourly 1 http://www.theshoes-blog.com/golf-shoe-bag/creative-story-writing/comment-page-1#comment-3582 bodicea77 Wed, 30 Dec 2009 16:16:59 +0000 http://www.theshoes-blog.com/golf-shoe-bag/creative-story-writing#comment-3582 If this is coursework, please revise it. Heavily. I'll try to be constructive. Use fewer adverbs. (-ly words) Try stronger verbs, rather than modifying the ones you use so much. Check capitalisation. Check the use of semi-colons. Yours aren't properly used. Also, your sentences are too long for the most part. Where you use a comma, you can almost always end the sentence, They have more punch if they are shorter. There are great thoughts here, but in your present form, not many people will bother to read them. Learn to write properly, then try for avant garde. Good luck. If you want any help with revision, I'll be glad to help.<br><b>References : </b><br>Teacher for many, many years. If this is coursework, please revise it. Heavily. I’ll try to be constructive. Use fewer adverbs. (-ly words) Try stronger verbs, rather than modifying the ones you use so much. Check capitalisation. Check the use of semi-colons. Yours aren’t properly used. Also, your sentences are too long for the most part. Where you use a comma, you can almost always end the sentence, They have more punch if they are shorter. There are great thoughts here, but in your present form, not many people will bother to read them. Learn to write properly, then try for avant garde. Good luck. If you want any help with revision, I’ll be glad to help.
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Teacher for many, many years.

]]> http://www.theshoes-blog.com/golf-shoe-bag/creative-story-writing/comment-page-1#comment-3581 The Stig Wed, 30 Dec 2009 15:44:59 +0000 http://www.theshoes-blog.com/golf-shoe-bag/creative-story-writing#comment-3581 There are some serious errors here I would suggest you look at your language skills a little. The piece does have plenty of drama and I like it for that. Not a bad effort at all.<br><b>References : </b><br> There are some serious errors here I would suggest you look at your language skills a little. The piece does have plenty of drama and I like it for that. Not a bad effort at all.
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